We have a lot to talk about…starting with how dumb 8% of Americans are.

Did you see the survey where 8% Americans said that they could beat an elephant in a fight? Elephants are pretty big, you guys, and the survey specified that you’d be unarmed (to be fair, the elephant would also be unarmed).

Equally as shocking, 8% of Americans (probably the same 8%) think they could win a fight against a gorilla.

A gorilla. Unarmed.

OKAY, THE COMPLETE NEWSLETTER IS BELOW.