HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY.

I’ve always hated Groundhog Day, but mostly because I don’t know how to pronounce “Punxsutawney” (not to mention how sweaty I just got trying to spell it)—but it really is a pretty fun day.

Most of us ask Google, or check our phones, or (after opening a Social Security check and massaging a titanium hip) watch the morning news to find out what the weather will be like that day. But on this day, the world stops to collect the opinion of a Pennsylvania-based prophesying dirt rodent. Why? Who cares.

OKAY, THE COMPLETE NEWSLETTER IS BELOW.